It was not so long ago in the forest that there was a certain order to life.

If you were born a porcupine, you lived your entire existence as a porcupine. And you died as a porcupine.

There were some exceptions. But when they occurred, a family dealt with them as best they could.

One day after another last place finish, a young fox noticed that his losing time would have easily beaten the time of the first place turtle.

“I self identify as a turtle,” he announced and entered the upcoming Turtle Track Meet. Most animals jeered and laughed. . .until he won. Then his competitors protested.

Noticing the uproar, the weasels, who were in charge of animal media, saw a chance to mess with the natural order. They began a daily journalistic blitz. They protested and wrote editorials in support of an animal’s right to classify him/herself as whatever animal they identified with.

Their persistence paid off.

Soon “self identified” snails, (who had been born lizards) were winning all the snails-only contests. “Self identified” sloths, (who were biologically born greyhounds) were wearing first place medals awarded to them at sloth events. Baboons were besting banana slugs. Biologically born dolphins were out swimming manatees. It was chaos.

Seeing possibilities in this “identify whatever you want” craze, a large lion declared that his true identity was a rabbit.

“You just want to win an upcoming bunny dash, huh?” asked a jaded hare.

“No. I’m no athlete,” insisted the lion. “I just want to be a spectator and sit with my kin in the bleachers.”

The End

Aesop usually included a moral in each of his fables. The winning moral for this fable–the one that got the most votes in the comments–was BerkshireVet’s, “Orange Man Bad and Epstein didn’t kill himself.”

Every Saturday RedState’s other cartoonist, Toby and I post two cartoons. Please go and check out today’s Toby Toons Saturday Funny !