Nobody should have to care what racial background that either [mc_name name=’Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)’ chamber=’senate’ mcid=’W000817′ ] or Spokane NAACP Chapter Head, Rachel Dolezal claim to be spawned from. The Leakeys basically proved we all came from Africa back in the day, so my reparations check should arrive in the mail sometime next week. I should be eligible run against Rachel Dolezal the next time her spot with The Spokane NAACP comes open for a vote. But no, there’s no racket in that so we play silly, legalistic games over who really gets to be what race on which government paperwork.

Real life, unlike the paperwork [mc_name name=’Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)’ chamber=’senate’ mcid=’W000817′ ], Ward Churchill, and Rachel Dolezal fill out when seeking employment is not like the Player Character Sheet from an Advanced Dungeons and Dragons game. You are not a Player Character. You do not get to pick your ancestry in a way that adjusts your personal attributes so that you can maximize an engineering criteria of being smart, weird or impossible to kill. Instead, you get to live by the Popeye the Sailor Man Principle: “I yam what I yam.”

The Latest Jerry Springer Episode that neglected to feature Jerry is currently occurring in Spokane, WA and stars our lovely protagonist Rachel Dolezal.

Controversy is swirling around one of the Inland Northwest’s most prominent civil rights activists, with family members of Rachel Dolezal saying the local leader of the NAACP has been falsely portraying herself as black for years. Dolezal, 37, avoided answering questions directly about her race and ethnicity Thursday, saying, “I feel like I owe my executive committee a conversation” before engaging in a broader discussion with the community about what she described as a “multi-layered” issue.

All of this emerged dripping in slime like the Swamp Thing thanks to good old Mom and Dad.

…on Thursday, Dolezal’s parents also told local media outlets that their daughter’s heritage is Czech, Swedish, and German — including possible traces of Native American. Larry Dolezal told BuzzFeed News he could not fully explain why his daughter might have wanted to pose as a black woman…..He went on to say that Rachel cut off all communication with him and her mother, and “doesn’t want us visible in the Spokane area in her circle because we’re Caucasian.” –Hot Air via Buzzfeed.

So why doesn’t Dolezal just bask in the pleasure of having that invisible knapsack? She’s got that honking White Privilege Card that is everywhere you want to be. Well, here’s one possible explanation of why…

And yet the world shrugs because, dear liberals, you cannot have it both ways. If race is a social construct, then people who identify as black are in fact black. If race is not a social construct, then we are all what we are born to be and diversity looks less sunny, and uncomfortable questions are raised about whether Caitlyn is really a Kate and not simply Bruce having left therapy early. This confusion reveals the heart of the leftist narrative on race which is a deliberate double standard. Race serves as a means to an end of destroying those at the top of society who are naturally smarter, healthier and wealthier. As such, race is used when convenient to take down those at the top — again, the white heterosexual male hunting season is well underway — but ignored when inconvenient. Thus a white male shooting up a school is proof of white degeneracy, but crime by ethnic minorities like Hispanics, Vietnamese and African-Americans is… well… there must be some other explanation.

Like the end of every sorry episode of The Jerry Springer Show, we are left with the all-hilarious question. “What do we learn from this?” I’m thinking that great American philosopher Popeye The Sailor Man sums it up best. “I yam what I yam.” We should all just take a page from the Book of Cobain* and just come as you are. That is the most beautiful and amazing form of diversity that God ever put on Earth. That’s one thing we can all take in as chicken soup for the soul – even if you’re just plain vanilla like me.

*-Not the last one, mind you.