In this episode of How to Destroy Your Political Career Without Even Trying...

Two words: Kristi Noem. More specifically, 40 words: 

South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem, who all but submitted a written application and performed a dance routine on the Mar-a-Lago lawn with high hopes of being named the vice presidential running mate of Donald Trump, the presumptive Republican Party presidential nominee.

Rather than spending the last 10-12 days enjoying what I'm sure Noem thought would be an exciting tour about her new book, No Going Back: The Truth of What's Wrong With Politics and How We Move America Forward, the now-embattled governor continues to run from the media due to the controversy she's faced from passages in the book in which she admitted to shooting her dog, and dubiously claimed to have met North Korea's hermit dictator, Kim Jong Un.

One of the shows Noem has run from — or at least canceled at the proverbial last minute — was Tuesday night's episode of Fox News's "Gutfeld!" For those who are familiar with Greg, dude is not just gonna let that go.

Being the generally brilliant conservative comedian he is, Gutfeld recruited Fox's Dana Perino to stand in for Noem, setting the table for the former White House press secretary under George W. Bush, this way: 

So, Dana, AKA Gov. Noem, did you write the book yourself?

Perino (and the show's writers) nailed it — responding as Noem.  

You know, that’s a great question for someone who wrote the book, and I don’t think I will dignify your question with a response. There are so many other important issues in the world, like animal cruelty.

Incidentally, in addition to killing her young dog, Noem also wrote in the book that she “dragged” the goat to the gravel pit, “tied him to a post,” and shot at him. But the goat jumped when she shot. “My shot was off and I needed one more shell to finish the job,” she added. 

Greg Gutfeld ruthlessly roasts Kristi Noem after she cancels on him. Goes forward with interview with Dana Perino standing in for Noem.

"I just think it’s a little late to keep her on a short leash." https://t.co/cktIR6ZmAt pic.twitter.com/2zarLpVpfX

— Zachary Leeman (@WritingLeeman) May 8, 2024

Anyway, the bit continued, with Greg asking Dana-"Noem" if she actually read the book before it was published. "She" hilariously responded:

I said some words that were written about me, and they were in a certain order of― they call them sentences, and so I read those aloud. I don’t know if that means I read the book.

Dana-"Noem" then joked that her other dog was named "Ghost Writer," tossing in: “I killed him this morning."

Anyway, great fun; I encourage you to watch the above clip if you haven't. 

On a Couple of Related Serious Notes

First, as my colleague Jennifer Oliver O'Connell wrote on Wednesday, Kristi Noem's likely political demise has been less about her stories and more about her overall standards— and please understand; that Noem is not the Lone Ranger in this respect on the "R" side of the aisle.

"Many of us were almost done with her after the Cricket [Noem's dog] story broke. After these few days of media malpractice, the American people — and potentially the Trump campaign team — are giving Noem and her leadership a very hard pass. 

"Currently the title has a 2.5 out of 5 rating on Amazon, and it has been alleged that reviews of the book are being restricted. The fact that, as of this writing, only two reviews show at all (one positive, one negative) could well support this.

"What a tragic demise. In terms of being a fierce and credible fighter for limited government and for Donald Trump, Noem was one of the best. And let's face it — she is also not hard on the eyes. So to watch this rapid collapse, much of it due to her own hubris and self-inflicted wounds, is a bit stomach-churning."

 I can't disagree. Every time I thought I might, after the story broke, Noem only seemed to make it worse.

Second, the majority of comments I've seen on social media about Noem's unplanned demise have been on the side of "She was right to kill the dog," or "She was wrong to kill the dog." 

There were fewer comments — and at least when and where I looked — about whether she should've needlessly destroyed her political career by writing about a foreseeably sensitive subject that she had zero to gain by revealing.