I feel bad for the people who run satire sites these days. It is getting harder and harder to parody the mainstream press because they just keep putting themselves beyond parody with their own reporting. 

Take the story of a recent find in Guatemala in which archaeologists excavated an altar deemed to be from the Teotihuacan people. That's interesting because the Teotihuacan originated from the area around modern-day Mexico City, showing that they traveled deep into Mayan territory.

What was the altar used for? According to those who found it, they also found the remains of three young children, meaning it was used for child sacrifices.

Lorena Paiz, the archaeologist who led the discovery, said that the Teotihuacan altar was believed to have been used for sacrifices, "especially of children."

"The remains of three children not older than 4 years were found on three sides of the altar," Paiz told The Associated Press.

"The Teotihuacan were traders who traveled all over the country (Guatemala)," Paiz said. "The Teotihuacan residential complexes were houses with rooms and in the center altars; that's what the residence that was found is like, with an altar with the figure representing the Storm Goddess."

Now, had CBS News stopped there in their report, there would have been nothing wrong with this story. But they just couldn't do it. Instead, the news outlet had to go find an "expert" to prop up left-wing orthodoxy on indigenous tribes. 

I think they were violent, actually https://t.co/w5dnpD30uN pic.twitter.com/hLHKDZJo48

— Alex Griswold (@HashtagGriswold) April 14, 2025

María Belén Méndez, an archaeologist who was not involved with the project, said the discovery confirms "that there has been an interconnection between both cultures and what their relationships with their gods and celestial bodies was like."

"We see how the issue of sacrifice exists in both cultures. It was a practice; it's not that they were violent, it was their way of connecting with the celestial bodies," she said.

If you thought the mainstream press couldn't find a way to spin child sacrifice as non-violent, consider yourself disabused of that notion. There is no low they won't attain if it means protecting left-wing dogma, and what you are seeing here is a perfect example of the so-called "noble savage" mythology that sits at the center of left-wing ideology.

ALSO SEE: Tim Walz Returns and Promptly Insane Post About Native American Tribe 

You see, it's not that these Aztec and Mayan cultures (and precursors) were being violent when they chopped up children on slabs of stone. They were just "connecting with the celestial bodies." Of course, even if one is morally vapid enough to accept that explanation, these indigenous Central American tribes were also incredibly violent in waging war and propagating slavery as a means of subjugation. The picture of them being peaceful peoples, just misguidingly sacrificing children to pagan gods because they didn't know any better, is ahistorical nonsense. 

What you need to understand about that type of misrepresentation is that it is vital to upholding leftwing dogma on "colonization" and the supposed evils of capitalism. In that telling, these tribes would have flowered into a peaceful utopia without Western intervention. Further, they were morally superior to the Spanish invaders despite sacrificing children to false gods, perpetuating the most brutal form of slavery in history, and murdering each other with reckless abandon. 

If the left loses that framing, their entire worldview, which centers on Western cultures being the only ones capable of evil, collapses. That's how you get a mainstream broadcast network seeking out an "expert" to claim child sacrifice was non-violent. Yeah, it's ridiculous, but it's also very purposeful.

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