On Night 3 of the Democratic National Convention, the DNC continued to display its inability to stage things in an orderly fashion. What an apt metaphor for the way Democrats run the government, reflected in their Commerce Secretary Gina Raimondo being oblivious that the Biden administration recalibrated the jobs created last year by well over 800,000. As a result of this incompetence, once again, we saw the night’s keynote speaker not taking the stage until after 11 pm.

But eventually, Tim Walz came out and took it, as he officially accepted the nomination for the vice president position. It was the lone speech I had any interest in seeing because I regard Walz as such a fascinating figure. Actually, I should amend that because it implies a level of appreciative interest; I find Walz more perplexing. His display is that of a goofball and braggart, yet he operates with this level of unearned bluster that just makes me focus in and behold the mess. He is a political manifestation of my appreciation for bad films.

Walz is a version of a person we all have encountered, writ large. He is the guy with a recognized diminished stature but who proclaims to be more. At parties, he delivers bromides that even he knows to be inaccurate, but he operates with the belief that with persistence and insistence, he will win over others. He’s the guy at the bar weaving tales, and the other foam suckers believe he is too deep in the pints rather than believe his story. His speaking is not meant to inform, but to inflate.

Look at all of the controversies surrounding the Minnesota governor since his announcement, and you see the signs. All are rooted in fact, but Tim had to push things to a higher level. His war record is the obvious one, where he served two dozen years but needed to embellish his service as well as a claimed rank one higher than that earned. He is touted as the coach taking his team to State, when he was an assistant in charge of the D-line. Even the birth of his kids through medical insemination had to be inflated to invitro fertilization for political expediency.

The press has joined in with this charade. An avalanche of reports all echoed how Tim is “folksy.” They tried selling us that his slovenly countenance was a fashion trend. While we all see his goofball cringe dad routine they are insisting he will replace our fathers who were lost to Fox News. 

Tim Walz is the dad an entire generation wish they had instead of the one they lost to Fox News.

— CQ (@coketweet) August 6, 2024

As Tim took the stage I waited for — and received — those touchstones of the fatherly fabulist, as Joe showed us earlier. It is amusing that in such a short period, we have already reached a point where we can use the phrase “Classic Walz,” and it is recognized what is meant. Here are a few of his rambling lowlights.

I had 24 kids in my high school class, and none of them went to Yale. – Clearly, this was a shot taken at JD Vance, but why?! Vance built himself up from a dirt-poor existence to graduate from Ohio State in two years and go on to the Ivy League. How is this bad? Especially since the Clintons went to Yale, and Obama has his Harvard and Columbia history.

“So there I was…running in a deep red district.” – While his predecessor and successor were Republicans, the area he served as a House representative was also held by a Democrat from 1982-1994, as well as supporting Barack Obama twice and looking essentially split in regards to Biden in 2020.

Reproductive Freedom. – This might be a topic the Harris campaign will want him to tone down. He has been bragging about how his state is essentially an abortion haven, but then this contradicts the desire by the Dems and the press to deny the party supports late-term abortions up to the ninth month. 

Mind your own damned business! – This has become a chosen tagline for Walz, and it mystifies. This is the man known for not only shutting down people’s businesses during the pandemic, but setting up a hotline for people to rat out their neighbors who they believed were violating lockdown protocols.

IVF and fertility treatments. And this is personal for Gwen and I. – Another topic that is surprising he brings up, considering he has been exposed for misrepresenting his deeply personal experience.

When Republicans use the word “freedom,” they mean that the government should be free to invade your doctor’s office. – Somebody buy Tim a mirror, for his own sake. He was among the Dems pushing vaccine mandates.

I’m a hunter. And I was a better shot than most Republicans in Congress, and I got the trophies to prove it. – No one in the press so far has tracked down these awards, and he has not displayed these accomplishments to this point.

Their Project 2025 will make things much, much harder for people who are just trying to live their lives. They spend a lot of time pretending they know nothing about this.  – The whole week has brought out Democrats demonizing this over-hyped Heritage Foundation treatise, and Walz followed the script. His party is borderline obsessed over this, and Trump has his own campaign planning scenario they have drawn up on their own.

They’ll repeal the Affordable Care Act; they’ll gut Social Security and Medicare. – Walz makes this claim despite Trump announcing, and his campaign platform stipulating, they intend to leave it in place.

Leaders don’t spend all day insulting people and blaming others. – The entire week has been nothing but the Democrats showing they are hyper-focused on blaming Donald Trump and saying very little about an actual agenda. On Day 1 alone, his name was invoked almost 150 times.

We’ll build a country where…the government stays the hell out of your bedroom. – He says this immediately after promising Kamala Harris would buy everyone the entire house. If the government is the landlord, Tim…

Walz displays a strange energy — as if he is behaving like someone else he saw who is well-liked but cannot quite hit the same affectations. He feels like a store brand item, one that has packaging similar to that of a genuine product but falls well short on quality. He says things and behaves in a manner he thinks others want to see and hear.

When the guys get together, Tim is the one who adds anecdotes that have to land just above the previous one told. At the kids’ games, he is the Dad who embarrassingly cheers too loud, not out of impassioned desire but so the other parents will be struck by his level of support. Walz is the one who regales the guys with stories of a hard-drinking experience while clutching a can of tangerine-mango White Claw.

In so many ways, Tim Walz is a perfect Democrat running mate.