Looking for some weekend entertainment? Well, if you're looking for something thought-provoking, or edifying, best look someplace else. But if you want to read something you can laugh at, not because it's funny or even good, but because it's not? Have I got some suggestions for you!
Some movies are so bad that they are kind of wonderful. Some movies are just bad. Even so, if it’s a guilty pleasure you want or just a good laugh, there are a few films that just stand out. Hollywood used to have a knack for this sort of thing; back in the day, they turned out not only some great cinema but also plenty of bad cinema that somehow achieved cult status – or at least became popular for folks to laugh at. It's not easy to narrow the list down; there's just so much to choose from. But this is a good first pass.
So, without further ado, here’s my list of the top five greatest bad – or maybe the five worst great - movies ever made.
5: "The Room" (2003)
Tommy Wiseau was either high as a kite or suffering from fever dreams when he made this film. Directing the movie, while placing himself in the lead role, wasn’t the best choice, either. It's a compilation of horrible ham acting, bad script, bad direction, bad casting – it’s just bad. But it does manage to deliver some decent unintentional comedy, especially Tommy Wiseau’s horribly over-the-top performance.
4: "Catwoman" (2004)
While I can (and do) see the appeal of a young Halle Berry in skin-tight black leather, this movie is rather baffling. It has little or no connection to the Batman villain/anti-hero/love interest of the same name; instead, Berry plays one Patience Phillips, who at the point of death is somehow revived by an ancient Egyptian cat-god and gifted with… uh… magical cat powers? Special effects that look like a high school film project, Sharon Stone as the villain, and Benjamin Bratt as the hapless sidekick/love interest were unable to save this grenade from the litter box – but, yeah, Halle Berry in skin-tight black leather.
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Before Bill Cosby’s dark side became public, he was one of the best stage comedians ever, and he was great in some movies, as long as he wasn’t producing and/or directing them. Some of the movies he made with Sidney Poitier – “Uptown Saturday Night” and “A Piece of the Action,” for example - were great, and his performance alongside a young Harvey Keitel and the stunning Racquel Welch in “Mother, Jugs and Speed” is a classic. But he never could make or carry a movie on his own, and while “Leonard Part 6” had some great camp, especially in the special effects, Bill Cosby just couldn’t pull it off.
2: "The Wild Women of Wongo" (1959)
I don’t know where to begin with this one, but it’s not a film you should watch without some degree of alteration of your mental state, either with alcohol or… well, whatever suits you. It’s the tale of two tribes on a primitive tropical island; one tribe is populated with beautiful women (who all mysteriously have perfectly permed hair) and ugly men, while in the other tribe, the reverse holds true. Things continue this way until the intrepid females of the first tribe strike out to find some men who are more pleasant to behold. In the end, everyone gets what suits them. Much like a train wreck, once you start watching this, you just can’t stop until it’s all over.
1: "Zardoz" (1974)
Any film that stars Sean Connery in what has to be the most embarrassing role he ever took, even more so than “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen,” and a floating stone head that spits forth the Gift of the Gun (and ammo!) has to be worth watching. "Zardoz" doesn’t disappoint, with Connery’s Zed, an Exterminator, leaving off his killing of Brutals (at least, the ones who aren't captured and made into Grain Slaves for the Vortex), and making his way into the Vortex to confront its immortal inhabitants – and return to them the gift of death. Be cautious about going Second-Level with this one.
There's also a fun twist at the end, and you'll just have to watch the movie to see what it is. Warning: "Zardoz" really earns its "R" rating, so be advised.
While others probably deserve discussion, like the grenade “Howard the Duck” and Roger Corman’s unreleased "Fantastic Four" film, the honorable mention has to go to:
Honorable Mention: "Hudson Hawk" (1991).
I love this movie, without shame or reservation. It’s a romping, globe-trotting buddy film with Bruce Willis and Danny Aiello playing hilariously off each other, co-starring Andie MacDowell as the “damsel in a dress,” along with Richard E. Grant and Sandra Bernhard as the criminally conniving Darwin and Minerva Mayflower. James Coburn turns in a great performance as the graying “old CIA” guy leading his team of young “MTV-IA” agents.
The guy on the donkey is just a guy on a donkey.
It’s a fun piece, basically just an hour-and-forty-minutes of Bruce Willis being the best Bruce Willis that ever Bruce Willised--and that’s enough.
We all have our favorites, of course, and there’s no substitute for truly great films – and these five are no substitute for even fair-to-middling films. But they can be fun nonetheless, and if you ever want to see a real wreck grenading its way onto the screen, any of these will do the trick.
Although I confess, I have kind of a soft spot for “Zardoz.” The gun is good!
