I was 14 the autumn after my maternal grandfather died. We were all just beginning to deal with the loss of this great man who had strode like a giant through our lives. Grandma was clearing a lifetime's worth of stuff out so she could turn the farm over to my uncle, and by November that was pretty much done. But one day, my cousin and I were out at the farm shooting some pheasants, and when we got back to the house, Grandpa told us to come in for some lunch.

While we were eating, Grandma told us there was one last box of Grandpa's stuff out in the barn that had been overlooked. "Go take a look," she told us, "and if there's anything you want, go ahead and take it; I'm going to have Norman haul what's left to the dump."

So we went and looked. We discovered there was a side to Grandpa that we had never known, as the box was full of some pretty lurid girlie magazines. In my 14-year-old innocence, I didn't quite get the horrified look on my older cousin's face, but a couple of years later, I suddenly realized why Grandpa kept those in the barn. At that point, my reaction could have been summed up as "Ewwwww, Grandpa!"

Now, I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

Most people can't imagine their grandparents engaging in anything even remotely connected to sex. (My grandparents raised six kids; draw what conclusions you must from that.) That's just not something we can wrap our brains around. But no matter how awful that thought might be to you or me, I can now assure you that there is one thing that is even more horrifying: Getting sex advice from Joe Biden.

President Biden’s poll numbers may be cold — but his libido sure is hot.

The 81-year-old commander-in-chief is fond of telling aides in the West Wing that the key to a successful marriage is “good sex,” according to a new book.

It’s just part of the leader of the free world’s lusty ways, according to the tell-all “American Woman: The Transformation of the Modern First Lady, From Hillary Clinton to Jill Biden” by New York Times scribe Katie Rogers. It recounts numerous cases over the years of Biden creating awkward moments by opining publicly about his proclivities.

“I’d rather be at home making love to my wife while my children are asleep,” Biden once told a group of supporters in 2006 ahead of his second presidential bid, prompting a spokesman to say the senator was “frankly totally in love with his wife.”

No. Just... no.

See Related: Biden Gets Confused About Jill, Admits Border Broken, 'Temporary Workers' Comment Has Everyone Talking 

Biden Mocked for Holding Pelosi's Hand in Tarmac Shuffle, Gets Confused About Navalny's Widow

Painful as this is, and I can tell you with great certainty that this topic presents a mental image that I would have happily gone the rest of my life without, the very fact of this latest Bidenism bears a little examination. It's a bit of a wonder that Joe Biden would be capable of even thinking about sex these days, much less... uhm... engaging in it.

(Pardon me for a moment, so I can go bleach my brain.)

But consider old Joe's current status for a moment. Even assuming he is, well, capable, given his advanced decrepitude, how does he know with whom he is... engaging? (I'm fast running out of euphemisms.) As you can see in one of the links above, he recently acted like he'd mistaken Nancy Pelosi for Jill - and there is another mental image that I would have happily gone the rest of my life without.

Has Joe ever mistaken someone else for Jill, and if so, under what circumstances? This story is just rife with these kinds of images.

This kind of inappropriate behavior isn't a new thing, though, for Joe Biden.

Biden also gushed “about the sexual and emotional connection he and [first wife] Neilia shared,” to the Washingtonian magazine in a 1974 interview, the book recounts, as he was searching for a life partner following his wife’s tragic death and the death of his one-year-old daughter Naomi in a car accident two years before.

“She had the best body of any woman I ever saw. She looks better than a Playboy bunny, doesn’t she?” he told the journalist Kitty Kelley in the profile, boasting how he got her change her party registration from Republican to Democrat and she boosted him in his successful Senate campaign.

Who in hell thinks this is OK to discuss with a reporter - or with Kitty Kelley, for that matter? Who the hell thinks this is an acceptable topic for a sitting United States senator to talk about in an interview?

Well, the answer to that is easy: Joe Biden. He of the runaway mouth, he of the hair-sniffing, inappropriate touching, and suggestive comments to or about little girls. That's who. He's always been this way; it's just gotten creepier as he gets older.

Now, if you will excuse me, I think I will go scrub my eyeballs with a bristle brush.