I don’t know about you, but I will miss Rep. George Santos. If Joe Biden weren’t around to walk into walls and wax enthusiastic about rail travel in the Bay of Bengal, Santos would have been the most entertaining guy in Washington these last few months. Few political spectacles have been as amusing as watching accusations coming out of his story like clowns pouring out of a small, colorful car. The Brazil drag queen allegation alone could have been a Monty Python sketch.

You know who’ll miss him even more? The media. How could they resist a Republican charged with “seven counts of wire fraud, three counts of money laundering, one count of theft of public funds and two counts of making materially false statements to the House of Representatives.” That’s newsroom cat nip, baby!

Santos was arrested in May on the same day the House Oversight Committee detailed an alleged pay-to-play scheme run by the Biden Family. What a coinky-dink! He pleaded not guilty, bringing them the prospect of an embarrassing trial. They’ll need it, because the much-anticipated reveal of who guaranteed his $500,000 bond was a goose egg – and the media got it all over their mugs. It turns out it was Santos’s dad and his aunt.

The judge in the case ordered the names be made public. Why? Here’s what NBC reported (and as you read it, please conjure the image of some NBC hack sheepishly shuffling his feet, avoiding eye contact, and mumbling):

Several media organizations, including NBCUniversal News Group, had requested that the court unseal and make public documents with the names of the bond guarantors, known as suretors.

NBC and the rest were hoping they’d find the signatures of Charles Koch, or somebody from a shadowy GOP PAC, or Cocaine Mitch, or … well, you get the idea.

So how can these two nobodies afford $500K? NBC (again sheepishly?) explained that “They did not have to provide any money upfront — they are only obligated to pay if Santos violates the terms of his release.”

Of course, there are a few dead-enders, who, like Dan Rather clutching the patently fake GW Bush Air National Guard document in his sweaty hand, refuse to let it go.

On Thursday, Santos told reporters on Capitol Hill that he kept their identities secret because he was concerned about their safety.

Asked if his family members had the money to guarantee bond, Santos said, “Don’t you think that’s a little invasive? That’s exactly the reason that I chose to keep their identities secure. My dad is an honest working man, as is my aunt.”

And who knows, maybe his aunt is an honest working man. That might put the Brazil thing in a new light. Santos’s lawyer had argued against publishing the names because they might “suffer great distress, may lose their jobs, and God forbid, may suffer physical injury.”

The “physical injury” bit is a little over the top since the media seem to be the only ones terribly worked up about Santos. You could practically hear the yelping of the poor MSNBC interns being kicked by the talent when the news broke.

Santos is supposedly facing 20 years for making up his resume. (Joe Biden’s been doing that since 1972). But he hasn’t resigned and “said he still plans to run for re-election next year, despite ongoing investigations he has faced at the federal, state and local levels.”

Atta boy! Never say die. And if you don’t beat the rap, Brazil drag show contestants are some of the most popular inmates of federal prisons.