This morning as I got caught up on all the buzz from my colleagues at CPAC I stumbled across a tweet from writer and Professional Jerkface (I think that’s the official title, I’ll look it up later) Tommy Christopher from CPAC. He was commenting on the introduction of Mark Levin and Ted Cruz for their joint CPAC panel, happening as he was tweeting.

Dipped into #CPAC2017 live for literally 5 seconds and was greeted by casual homophobia from @SenTedCruz and @marklevinshow. So pitiful. pic.twitter.com/dIL7GC5qpa

— Tommy X-TrumpIsARacist-opher (@tommyxtopher) February 23, 2017

Naturally I was curious. After the Milo debacle I thought perhaps one of them had made a snide comment about homosexuals or used a slur. I found it hard to believe (these are professional public speakers, after all) but Tommy’s tweet was so filled with disappointment and outrage I had to know. I clicked on the clip. I actually had to watch it twice, as I was sure I’d missed the offending portion the first time.

Nope. The “pitiful” homophobia Christopher is referring to is a small jab by Mark Levin towards Cruz about trying to hold his hand on the way out and Cruz perhaps not liking that, to the audience’s amusement.

Just last night on a podcast I was listening to the hosts were talking about the inherent homophobia of the hit 90’s show “Friends” because the men often made comments and jokes about intimacy between men, in the context that it weirded them out.

The discussion of homosexuality in America has been warped and twisted and distilled so much that we are no longer able to even publicly express reasonable, actual truths without being labeled as people who are actually afraid of gay folks; and that’s what homophobia means, Mr. Christopher. The “phobia” part means an extreme or irrational fear of something.

The truth is there is nothing irrational about being a heterosexual man who finds the idea of french kissing another man or being intimate with him in a sexual manner repulsive. He’s not gay. We’re supposed to believe that sexuality is fixed at birth -an immutable, knowable quality of our psyche which we have no control over – and yet at the same time we are not allowed to express displeasure at a notion that is completely antithetical to that natural, fixed sexual identity.

I wouldn’t expect my gay friend to get turned on by the thought of two heterosexuals engaging in intimacy. In fact, when trying to describe their lifelong knowledge of their sexuality almost every single one of my gay friends has at one time or another said that they feel repulsed by the idea of heterosexual desire. Are they heterophobes?

Even as I’m writing this I see spellcheck has flagged the term “heterophobes” as a nonexistent word but “homophobes” gets no red mark. Do you see how this works? The language we use about this issue is an attempt make the normal abnormal.

By definition, homosexuality is abnormal. It is deviant…aberrant. Pop culture has twisted these words to conflate with “disgusting” but they simply mean “not the statistical norm.” By liberal (the term, not the ideology) estimates Americans who identify as LGBT make up at the most 10% of the population. Many polling and census studies have put the number closer to 1%-2% of Americans. Either way you cut that gay wedding cake it’s a minority.

Abnormal. Not gross. Not unworthy of life. Just abnormal. Outside the norm. Not statistically a majority.

As human beings we are hardwired to notice the abnormal. The smell of gas in the home is abnormal. To sense it raises our internal alarms. Even in the animal kingdom we see this. Bright colors like reds and oranges on birds, insects or plant life are a warning that these things are abnormal to the environment and the needs of a particular predator. We are programmed to find the abnormal…well…not normal. It flags other instincts that help proliferate the species.

Heterosexual men finding homosexual activity with their friends gross isn’t bigoted, it’s a biological imperative and since we’re constantly being told homosexuality is a biological issue than this should make sense to everyone with the tiniest shred of reasoning ability.

I don’t want my husband to find the idea of being intimate with another man attractive or desirable. That’s gross because we are straight. It is abnormal for our relationship and our energy as a couple. Does he hate gay men?

Hell no. Christopher and anyone like him who even suggests that is a turd.

It is not in any way, shape or form homophobic for a heterosexual man to comment, joke or otherwise notice that to be intimate with another man is comically absurd for him.

Of course, Christopher isn’t at CPAC to make friends or promote understanding and tolerance. He’s there to find confirmation of all the reasons he hates conservatives and any American who doesn’t think exactly like him. This clip and it’s accompanying whiny tweet is proof positive that he will find that confirmation no matter what, simply because he chooses to.

As a heterosexual woman with many close and wonderful homosexual friends whom I adore and share my life with, I cannot accept the bastardizing of the English language to be used as tool to bludgeon unoffensive, morally neutral common sense.

The Cruz/Levin exchange was not a commentary on their inherent homophobia, it was joke between two straight guys who have literally no sexual desire for each and never will and know it.