Throughout the year, we have (dis)honored the press with our regular feature commemorating the efforts of press unprofessionalism, journalistic sloth, and generally deserved media mockery through nominations for The Golden Remington Awards.

Our Trophy is a nod to the olden days when hard-scrabble hacks committed actual journalism and hammered out dispatches on those hefty wordsmith devices. To commemorate that past of muckraking reporting and shoe leather investigation, we acknowledge those journalists or outlets who fall short of that once respectable goal.  

Remmy Awards Pt. 1 - Select (dis)Honors

In this second edition we delve into the categories we use to organize the dysfunction and distemper throughout 2024, not unlike an award granted to supposed journalism greatness. We’ll give the nominees and announce the winner for each category, beginning with our special edition trophies. Here are the distinguished “winners” in 2024.

THE CRYSTAL ICEBERG TROPHY (for Distinguished Frozen Dessert Reporting, to be retired after the Joe Biden loss) - Sponsored by Klondike Ice Cream Bars

• Emily Heil/Washington Post - The food reporter did a lengthy study of Biden, and others, who consume ice cream in the winter.

• Seth Meyers/NBC “Late Night” - After Biden’s scheduled “surprise” visit to the show, the sycophant talk show host discussed the news that was made during the pre-show ice cream stop.

• Steven Nelson/New York Post - As a sign of Biden becoming a shadow political figure by October, on a stop at an ice cream shop, he was not able to get his preferred flavor because they were not aware he would be arriving.

• Korie Dean/News & Observer - Hoping the frozen confectionery coverage would continue for the next four years, the local North Carolina outlet was on the case to deliver the Tim Walz milkshake order during a campaign stop.

WINNER – THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION

After he was pressured to step down from the Democratic Party ticket — on National Ice Cream Day – days later, following his speech declaring he was turning the reins over to Kamala, the White House held an ice cream social in the Rose Garden for Joe.

🍦🍦🍦🍦🍦🍦

Per @PeterAlexander, Joe Biden is now being celebrated with an ice cream social in the Rose Garden for a job well done during his Address to the Nation.

“You did such a good job Joe!” - Jill Biden pic.twitter.com/um2OV9NhjO

— Kylie Jane Kremer (@KylieJaneKremer) July 25, 2024

THE SILVER RICE CAKE PLATTER (for Distinguished Content-Free Reporting) - Sponsored By Quaker Oats

• Chelsea Sanchez/Harper’s Bazaar - Chelsea helpfully informed the nation that Prince Hank and his wife did not attend the Super Bowl. Apparently, it is newsworthy when the couple does not do something?

• Jemele Hill/The Atlantic - It was insipid enough that the New York Times was reporting on Travis Kelce’s hairstyle, but dumber was the perpetually-aggrieved Ms. Hill becoming aggrieved over the cultural appropriation of saying Kelce invented it, and dumber still that she makes the accusation when the Times never made such a comment.

• WSVN Channel 7 News - There is always heightened interest after a sports team wins a championship, but that excitement is reserved for the fans and press of that city. For this reason we were perplexed why there was live coverage on the Miami station of a plane landing with NBA champions as they arrived to celebrate – and it was the Boston Celtics.

• Chris Delgado/Político - At the Democratic National Convention, there was no shortage of intrigue as party upheaval led to a candidate switch, and when the woman who was believed to have been crucial in that decision was on site, there were myriad topics to mine from her. Delgado got to the heart of the most trenchant of issues – he found out what Nancy Pelosi’s opinion was of the local tube steak offerings. (Her rating: “I had one last night. It was good. It was … good.”)  

WINNER –ZOEY LYTTLE / PEOPLE MAGAZINE

We are trying to imagine the conversations in the editor’s room as this story of a fetus making the heart-hands gesture came across their desks.

Pregnant Swiftie Spots Her Baby Making Taylor Swift's Signature 'Heart Hands' in Sonogram (Exclusive) https://t.co/6zXwoXSr3B

— People (@people) June 6, 2024

THE PEWTER SAM ADAMS TANKARD (for Distinguished Lying in the Press, as the famous patriot was known for) – Sponsored by Samuel Adams Beer

• Michael Kruse/Politico - For his report claiming Donald Trump uses a comedy trick to normalize his totalitarian desires. He uses humor just like famous authoritarians Stalin, Mussolini, and Hitler. [What does Hitler like to eat? Just about anything, but NOT-SEA food!]

• Kristen Welker/NBC News - On “Meet the Press,” in a discussion on the Trump-Arlington Cemetery controversy, Welker tried setting things straight with the visiting Senator Tom Cotton (R-AR). She countered his comments by insisting that Kamala Harris had visited with the Gold Star families. After the broadcast, the show had to come out with a comment correcting her, as Harris had never done so.

• CBS News - After the hurricane that ravaged North Carolina, a story emerged that, according to the North Carolina National Guard, FEMA workers had to stand down due to threats coming from different militias. The network reported this as a straightforward fact, despite the NCNG making a statement that this was not, in fact, happening – in the very CBS report.

• Donna Brazile / ABC News - Soon after her Democratic coronation, the press went into overdrive, pushing Kamala as a force of nature. Brazile, with a straight face, claimed Harris drew a crowd of 60,000 to a rally. What really happened was that BET was staging an annual festival, and Kamala made an appearance at one of the concerts being held.

WINNER – CAMILO MONTOYA-GALVEZ / CBS NEWS

The press was generally angered when Gov. Greg Abbott took over the border from the federal BP with his Texas Military Department. Montoya-Galvez sent out a story that spread through the press complex in wildfire fashion, saying the Texas MD caused three deaths when they blocked border agents from an area and kept them from rescuing a mother and two children who drowned. 

Only after national hysteria was it learned the event took place on the Mexican side, Border Patrol had no way of assisting, and Mexican authorities only notified U.S. agents an hour after the bodies were recovered.

A woman and two children drowned near an area where Texas has blocked Border Patrol from processing migrants.

Rep. Henry Cuellar said Texas prevented Border Patrol from trying to rescue them. A CBP official tells me Cuellar’s account is accurate.https://t.co/4PMbE6UODm

— Camilo Montoya-Galvez (@camiloreports) January 14, 2024

THE NYP PLAQUE - (for Distinguished Headline Writing, in the manner of the renowned outlet) – Sponsored by the New York Post 

• The CBC - Fake Cosmetic Surgeon Charged After Allegedly Injecting 4 Women He Met at Toronto Dog Park

• WGN-9 CHICAGO - Smashing Pumpkins Frontman Billy Corgan to Host Bozo the Clown Celebration

• The BBC - Toilet Paper Spill Clogs Traffic on California Highway

• The Telegraph - Doctors thought I got chlamydia from a koala bear in Australia when I had pneumonia

WINNER — JALOPNIK

When the passing of O.J. Simpson occurred, the car-based outlet recognized there was a factory notice from an automaker about a manufacturing issue at the same time. Well played, folks.

Ford Bronco Sport, OJ Simpson Recalled On Same Day https://t.co/zrMvwHR7BT pic.twitter.com/IcyOIHBWCy

— Jalopnik (@Jalopnik) April 11, 2024

THE JEN RUBIN MEDAL (for Distinguished Reporting Contradicting Previous Reporting)

• Tim Alberta/The Atlantic - The sanctimonious one tried to slam Townhall’s own Katie Pavlich when she made a comment about what a friend was telling her about their area in the aftermath of the hurricane. Tim slammed Katie for publishing innuendo, when it was actually a social media post on her private account – something Alberta had previously done, with one of his friends, following a hurricane.

• Chris Cillizza - During a snark-fest with the spokesman for Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, Cillizza declared he had not been fired from CNN. Less than two months prior, Chris asserted to a fan he was not returning to the network because they had fired him.

• Associated Press - The news syndicate was among the others who condemned Donald Trump for being racist in saying Kamala Harris is not black but Indian American. And there was the AP years earlier heralding Harris for the boundaries she was breaking as an Indian American politician.

• The Washington Post - Bumble Bee populations are crashing by 50 percent. Oh, and there is also a record number of bees. We are certain this is considered tragic news as well.

• New York Times - In a sobering look at the effects of a warming planet, the Times suggested it could lead to the end of snow. However, it comes in conflict with a piece the Times wrote that suggested warming could end up producing more snowfall. The paper took these conflicting positions WITHIN 10 DAYS of each other.

• Stef Kight/Axios - While many outlets were in direct contradiction of previous coverage on the issue of whether or not Kamala Harris was the Border Czar, Ms. Kight was both an ardent denier this year AND previously wrote on Harris being responsible for the border.

WINNER - MIKA BRZEZINSKI / MSNBC

Mika Brzezinski - On “Morning Joe” one morning, Mika looked at the violence erupting on college campuses and likened it to January 6.

What are these universities doing? Why aren't they doing something? And I'll echo the horror that this does look like January 6th. What a terrible example for our students. 

But then we saw her scolding Al Sharpton for daring to compare these protests to January 6. 

This was just two days apart.

Al Sharpton: "How do the Democrats, how do ALL of us on that side, say January 6th was wrong if you can have the same pictures going on on college campuses?!"

Mika Brzezinski: "Good Lord! Don't make a parallel to January 6th!" pic.twitter.com/8CdfoN8Vbp

— Townhall.com (@townhallcom) May 2, 2024

THE LOQUACIOUS EMERALD BOWL (for Distinguished Delivery of the Worst Quotes) – Sponsored by Salad Shooter

• Nicolle Wallace/MSNBC - In joining the chorus of cranks at her network complaining about NBC News hiring Ronna McDaniel, the oblivious Wallace referred to their “sacred airwaves.”

• Chuck Todd/NBC News - About Michelle Obama: “Every four years, we're reminded she's probably the best nonpolitical speaker in the country.” This was in reference to her political speech, at a political convention, for her political party to win the upcoming political election.

• Margaret Brennan/CBS NEWS - "Have you specifically instructed members...to rein in some of the rhetoric...some are using online that is somewhat incendiary...really blaming this, somehow, on the administration?" Not only did she say this of Republicans, in response to Trump being shot, it was said to prior political shooting victim, Steve Scalise.

• General Steve Anderson/MSNBC - “As a black woman, the product of a mixed marriage, she will inspire millions of people throughout the world. People like Vladamir Putin are going to say, ‘Hey, wait a minute; these guys are truly a democratic country, they truly are representative, truly are fighting for all their people.’ And Kamala Harris is a manifestation of that.” 

WINNER – JOE SCARBOROUGH / MSNBC

Joe was the most ardent defender of President Biden and the most vociferous denier of his sliding mental condition. This rant takes all the honors.

"Start your tape right now because I'm about to tell you the truth, and 'F' you if you can't handle the truth: this version of Biden—intellectually, analytically—is the best Biden ever."

"Start your tape right now because I'm about to tell you the truth, and 'F' you if you can't handle the truth: this version of Biden—intellectually, analytically—is the best Biden ever." —Joe Scarborough four months agopic.twitter.com/MlS1sojeGb

— Michael Knowles (@michaeljknowles) July 5, 2024

DISTINGUISHED POLITICAL CARTOONS

• The New Republic - The outlet went Full Godwin with art on the front cover of Trump made to look like Hitler.
   

• We chose the cover image, based on a well-known 1932 Hitler campaign poster, for a precise reason: that anyone transported back to 1932 Germany could very, very easily have explained away Herr Hitler’s excesses and been persuaded that his critics were going overboard. After all,… pic.twitter.com/x79Rkh86O1

  — The New Republic (@newrepublic) July 7, 2024

   

• Mike Lukovich/Atlanta Journal-Constitution - In reaching back to the played-out Handmaid’s Tale narrative, Lukovich wanted to suggest voting for Biden would prevent that oppression, except his image managed to show this in reverse, so the women were in the repressive red robes under Biden before this election.

• Guessing that @mluckovichajc pulled this one from his timeline after realizing it was essentially displaying things under a Joe Biden administration. pic.twitter.com/0Lq2NoFWDX

  — Brad Slager: CNN+ Lifetime Subscriber (@MartiniShark) November 9, 2024

   

• Mike DeAdder/GlobeAndMail - This predictive toon just before the election did not age well…like in a matter of days.

• TOMORROW: pic.twitter.com/U6P35L7dn0

  — Mark Hamill (@MarkHamill) November 4, 2024

   

• Justin Metz/The Atlantic - They made a lot of fanfare about producing a cover with no text, just what they hoped to be an ominous image for voters to contemplate. What they managed in this gorgeous piece by Metz is that it makes Trump look impressively strong, riding into the swamp.

The Atlantic’s October cover, by Justin Metz. pic.twitter.com/azkKDrbLBR

— Morten Øverbye (@morten) September 9, 2024

WINNER - ISABELLE BROUERMAN / NEW YORK MAGAZINE

With no photography permitted in Trump’s Manhattan court case, the courtroom sketch artists were relied upon. In this case, the imagery was not only unhelpful; they resemble images by someone possibly in need of a psychiatric evaluation.

Opening statements in the Trump criminal trial, sketched by Isabelle Brourman for @NYMag: pic.twitter.com/ZQ6c7LVoKV

— Olivia Nuzzi (@Olivianuzzi) April 25, 2024

DISTINGUISHED CULTURAL CRITICISM

• Marina Koren/The Atlantic – In a standup routine from years back, Dennis Leary was commenting on reports of the hole in the ozone layer; his punchline was, “Oh great, we broke THE SKY!” In similar, uncomical fashion, we get a similar delivery from Koren, who proclaims, “We Ruined Rain.” Seriously, if that is the case, there is no further point in caring about anything.

• Emily Yahr/Washington Post - In a sense that a racist rebuke of Beyoncé by country music fans was all but assured by Yahr, she struggles to suggest that the fact she went to #1 on the country charts means we need to wonder how the fans will handle that news.

• Colin Jost/ “Saturday Night Live” - The comedian from the show’s news desk played a clip of Donald Trump using the term “de-banking.” He then went on to mock Trump over the use of the supposedly invented word, as the Harvard graduate Jost was completely unaware that it is a legitimate and known economic term.

• Monica Hesse/Washington Post - In the effort to defend Tim Walz over the story of how he placed tampon machines in the boys' rooms of schools, Hesse tried to sell the idea that any boy having a tampon to give to a girl in need of one would make him a stud on campus. That any boy taking interest in the menstrual cycles of high school classmates was not looked at as creepy says far too much about the columnist.

WINNER – CRAIG SIMPSON / THE TELEGRAPH

Because academics will justify anything worthy to be studied if it gets them grant money, and because journalists have a Pavlovian response to anything hinted at as being racist, these converged in this piece on a study of the white supremacist connection to milk and how it is a dairy product tied to colonialism.

🔵 Academic project to research links between ‘milk and colonialism’ https://t.co/INvHYoE8Iv

— The Telegraph (@Telegraph) June 23, 2024

• Victor Mather/New York Times - Vic dug into the controversy seen at the Guinness World Records surrounding the veracity of a Portuguese breed of canine that recently died at 31 years old. There is a question of the records of its provenance being accurate. Yes, they are going birther over the world’s oldest dog.

• Maura Judkis/Washington Post - The desperation to make Kamala Harris happen was on display with this report about how one record producer was sampling the notoriously obnoxious laugh of the candidate into a musical dance track.

• Derek Guy/Politico - In a similarly desperate fashion, the press tried making Tim Walz palatable to the masses — via fashion. Politico was insisting that the Walz grubby outdoor look was actually a trendy casual wear revelation.

• Maureen Dowd, Patrick Healy, Tressie McMillan Cottom, Lydia Polgreen/New York Times - The paper brought four columnists to discuss the cultural significance of the film “Wicked.” They felt it was important that a black actress played the lead character…who is green. And then they weighed the anti-fascism message against the election – despite the film being completed well before Trump’s victory and being based on a 20-year-old Broadway production.

WINNERS – Hailey Haymond, Dino Grandoni, Kasha Patel, and Emily Sabens – Washington Post

Yes, they needed four journalists to dive deep into the vital issue of…discriminatory emojis. But, here’s the kicker – it is not the discrimination you think. This quartet of galaxy brains was cobbled together to complain about the fact that there is gross misrepresentation for most of the animal world. Out of 30 animal phyla, only five are represented. ONLY FIVE!!!!

Why this was featured under the paper's Climate Solutions section is a bit of a mystery. And, of course, in their carping about the lack of fungus and microbes in the emoji library, they cannot deliver any meaningful use for these symbols for most texting users.

That time @WashingtonPost declared we are an incomplete society because our phones do not have emojis for bacteria, spores, and molds.https://t.co/FJwkVFTlat pic.twitter.com/eifuNMsck5

— Brad Slager: CNN+ Lifetime Subscriber (@MartiniShark) January 3, 2025