In looking to do a rundown of the past year’s news events, it looks like a daunting task, as looking back to the start of things is difficult; trying to think of what we were looking forward to and what we ended up with in the end. Look, there is a WIDE gulf between our expectations and what we were served in 2024.

Wars continued in the Middle East, culture wars waged domestically (though we were mercifully mostly free from Dylan Mulvaney content) and it was a wild, crazy year of events. And that is without even looking at there being an election season, one that managed to see two assassination attempts and an incumbent leaving the election – and those stories were not connected!

So for fun, let us look back through the first six months and recall those newsworthy distractions, the political curiosities, and the meandering media offerings. (The second half of the year shall follow.) We will look at those items that delivered important events, trenchant mockery, and distractions away from gravely serious events we were supposed to care about deeply and cling to the press for continued outrage. Let’s recall some of the mayhem.

     JANUARY

A holdover from the prior year was the plagiarism controversy, where for reasons DEI-related, the president of Harvard was defended for doing things she suspends students over if caught. Then things turned precious, for just as the press was ardently defending Claudine Gay, they tried making a controversy of former congresswoman Mayra Flores (R-TX) stealing pictures of food on social media.

In other contradictions, as anti-semitism was exploding across the country, we learned Hasidic Jews in New York have a network of underground tunnels. Honestly, in light of the intolerance on display, it is a fine idea.

Airlines and plane manufacturers came under fire for DEI hiring policies. Apparently, passengers found that doors flying off in mid-flight was not a preferred travel perk. Meanwhile, Hollywood continued to beclown themselves when -- after months of bragging about how anti-sexist they were because of the “Barbie” movie -- they managed to nominate only lead actor Ryan Gosling for the Oscars.

The Biden administration managed to look more inept (no small feat) when Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin was discovered to have been missing for days, and nobody was aware. Now tell us how Pete Hegseth is unqualified for the role again…

It was a tough month for sports journalism. Sports Illustrated basically dumped its entire staff after a previous AI controversy. ESPN laid off names, and then the network had to return dozens of Emmy Awards it had collected for years due to falsely registering on-air talent for certain roles to assure they would get trophies. 

The Epstein List was finally released, but the biggest controversy to come of it was the comedically-impacted Jimmy Kimmel threatening to sue Aaron Rodgers for daring to joke about being on that list.

Wine moms across the country were going ape for Stanley Cups, the insulated drinking device. Exclusives and store shortages fed into the mania these same moms generate over seasonal toys, but it died off rather quickly when stores flooded the market with their own discount versions of…a cup with a revolutionary handle.

     FEBRUARY

The Robert Hur report was released, and the press lost their collective minds because the lead investigator determined Joe Biden was too mentally frail to sit before a jury. Pundits raged at Hur because he was not qualified to diagnose a mental condition – forgetting that they too were unqualified to dispute his assessment. The best part was seeing their anger over the decision to NOT bring charges against their preferred politician.

College student Laken Riley was murdered by an illegal immigrant, and the press clowned themselves as they justified not hyping the case because immigrants have lower crime rates than citizens – despite the fact that 100 percent of illegal immigrants have broken the law.

Biden set a trend of sorts by ducking out of the traditional network Super Bowl interview, settling for a sit-down with Fox Soul. Kamala Harris apparently felt this media avoidance was a cagey election strategy.

Tucker Carlson went to Russia and raved that they are superior because their grocery stores have deposit locks on the shopping carts…a “technology” that stores in the U.S. have had for some time. John Stewart returned to the Daily Show in The Maddow Model, appearing for one day per week. The impact has not been deeply significant.

Beyoncé released a country album, and the press was convinced that the racist country music fans would ignore this release - as it shot to #1 on the charts. At the same time, Google released its Gemini AI generator which quickly was shown to be racist as it delivered returns of historical figures as minority characters.

Ronna McDaniel stepped away from the RNC after our own Jennifer Van Laar exposed her inept election results and scandalous spending, including her excessive flower budget. She later tried to get a position at NBC News, but the tolerant pundits at MSNBC could not abide a conservative in their ranks.

In Georgia, the case against Donald Trump imploded when lead prosecutor Fani Willis was found to have an improper affair with a person on her prosecution team, a scandal that eclipsed her legal incompetence on the case.

Not having learned its lesson, Disney put out the feminist-themed movie “Madame Web,” which managed to make a splash on social media in the way that most people did not see anything of merit with this motion picture. 

As crime exploded in New York City the police force took stern action – by forming The NYPD Dance Team.

The NYPD now has its own dance team pic.twitter.com/AUXZbSur0I

— End Wokeness (@EndWokeness) February 18, 2024

     MARCH

The press exploded when Donald Trump used the word “bloodbath” in relation to the economy and the election, but their hysteria was quickly muted when they were shown how the firings at the RNC had been covered in the press using that same term.

A bridge in Baltimore collapsed when it was struck by a freighter, and Politifact had to rescue Joe Biden when he claimed he took the train over that span despite it having had no railway at any time. 

We saw the campus protests begin to wane when the students who occupied the dean’s office at Vanderbilt University quickly realized they had not made plans for food. Or bathroom access. Or menstrual products. The results of this incursion were arrests and expulsions.

Another sign of tolerance for woke policies collapsing was when Planet Fitness boldly announced it would permit trans individuals in locker rooms, and the backlash was both loud and costly.

In Great Britain, there was a controversy when Kate Middleton was not supplying the paparazzi with adequate amounts of photo ops, and it was later learned she was battling a cancer diagnosis. Additionally, in stores in England, it was seen that for Easter, a store chain was marketing Cadbury non-denominational candy as “Gesture Eggs.” Many reactions involved a particular gesture, for certain.

Joe Biden was addressing some of the inflationary concerns shoppers experienced at grocery stores by sending out messages through an economic emissary. Joe Biden said he was shocked to learn of this problem from The Cookie Monster.

This served as a nice distraction, however, because while the press was raging about Donald Trump potentially arresting journalists if reelected, Joe Biden’s DOJ actually cuffed & stuffed journalist Steve Baker of The Blaze over strained charges involving him filming events on January 6. 

A feud developed between the New York Times and The Atlantic as a former Times reporter detailed how writers would intentionally omit quotes from Tom Cotton on global relations because they did not like his opinions. This is a classic instance of “Let Them Fight."

The press joined together to scorch Ron DeSantis over an alleged measles outbreak in the state when, in reality, it was a handful of cases found in one elementary school. There was far less enthusiasm seen in the story of numerous immigrant shelters in Chicago having widespread cases of diseases, of course.

The rapper and business mogul P. Diddy Sean Puff Daddy Combs-Puffy fled the country after investigators swarmed his compound in response to numerous cases of sexual assault. There was a public outcry over the drama as people country-wide had the same reaction: Who needs THAT much lube?!?!

     APRIL

Caitlyn Clark was the #1 pick in the WNBA, and the rest of the season the players and the press gave us every reason to ignore the league with the racial outrage seen as a result. She brought unseen levels of interest to the game and everyone involved in the league seemed bothered by it all. Oh, and you cannot buy her signature shoe for over a year from now.

Joe Biden drew more attention concerning his sliding mental faculties from everyone except the media as he delivered a story of his uncle from World War 2 being eaten by cannibals.

Kristi Noem became Governa non-Grata when details from a memoir showed her killing a dog that was not up to snuff. You cannot reveal such in a country that sees people outraged when a minor league baseball team creates outrage for naming its mascot “Ozem-pig.”

National Public Radio was a laughing stock for weeks after now-former editor Uri Berliner revealed he had tired of the long-standing practice of delivering the news with a decidedly leftist approach. This caused internal upheaval and saw the exposure of past comments by the new CEO of the network where she commented how the First Amendment is a problem. The best was comments from those saying they were disappointed Berliner did give an opinion from those at NPR about the issue – as he was an editor/producer at the outlet for over two decades.

As Trump’s New York Trial was underway the press tried making a huge story about him defying the gag order imposed by the judge. At the very same time, the same press ignored the judge’s order to THEM, and they proceeded to reveal details about the jurors.

Eclipse fever swept the country and the media, as weeks were spent hyping the event that lasted all of 20 minutes.

New Jersey was the epicenter of a rare earthquake, and everyone was convinced of the same culprit: climate change.

Ilhan Omar’s daughter made her mother more of a punchline when she attempted to glom onto the Israel protests by saying she was the victim of a chemical weapons attack – when she was doused with Fart Spray.

CU Students were attacked w/ "chemical weapons" (actually *fart spray*) says Ilhan Omar's daughter @israhirsi (who has a communist sign on her profile, btw) 😂😂😂😂

Too funny.

These soft LARPers will do anything to portray themselves as brave heroes 🙄pic.twitter.com/YMkH47bptq

— Based Latinos 🇺🇸 (@BasedLatinos) April 23, 2024

     MAY

This was the month that the press became fully consumed with the flags SCOTUS Justice Samuel Alito flew outside his residences. We were supposed to care when his wife displayed the U.S. flag inverted to anger the neighbors; then the New York Times broke the news he also had flown the alleged insurrection symbol, The Appeal To Heaven flag. The Times made a previous study of video footage from January 6 of all the symbols sported by the rioters, and at no point did the paper declare this flag to be an insurrection icon.

Toxic male fraternity dude-bros became national heroes when they fought back against campus protestors who were trying to remove the American flag. Meanwhile, at Princeton University, they began a hunger strike in support of Palestine (yeah, we don’t know why either), but they realized that was too hard. So after barely a week, they hatched the plan to hand off the striking responsibility to others in what they dubbed “a rotary hunger strike.”

The cicadas returned for a few weeks and we became treated to empty reports about the bugs and stories of people creating recipes and even producing a beer made from the bugs.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. lost the support of the media when he announced he’d run as a third-party candidate. As a result, he was on the receiving end of exposés that he once may have eaten a dog and had a dead brainworm inside his skull.

The Red Lobster restaurant chain began closing multiple locations, and the assessment, as with any negative news, was that this was affecting black communities more than any other. It was around this time that New York Governor Kathy Hochul came out with the clear-headed comment that black children do not understand the word “computer."

Not having learned its lesson, Disney put out a woke version of the cult show “Dr. Who,” and it drew the lowest audience in the history of the series.

Kansas City Chiefs placekicker Harrison Butker was the center of a woke controversy when he gave a conservative commencement speech at a Catholic university. Most on the left were outraged because they had been told to feel that way, with most asking who he thinks he is to worthy of being listened to, as they were allegedly outraged for listening to what he said.

There was a significant amount of concern in the press about studies allegedly showing there are significant amounts of microplastics in male testicles. This is the same press that has lectured for generations in favor of the use of latex condoms, we need to point out.

     JUNE

This was literally the watershed month where Joe Biden’s condition reached its nadir, and he took the press down with him. Things began with the press in full defense mode on behalf of Biden. They concocted the Cheap-Fakes narrative to suggest evidence of the president’s decline was not valid, then he delivered the meltdown performance at the debate where the months of media lies had become completely exposed. It has been a debacle that the industry will have a long time trying to live down.

The Paris Olympics were quite the fiasco. We watched a bizarre and anti-Christian opening ceremony glorifying trans culture. There was the problem of the Seine River being too polluted for the marathon swimming events. A French Pole vaulter was knocked out of medal contention when his manhood knocked down the bar. Most infamous was that the stunted decision to have competitive break dancing as an event led to the viral display of the female competitor with the bizarre performance.

The Australian breakdancer from the Olympics pic.twitter.com/OwEI3RFJwW

— RyanFJBLGB🇺🇸🦅 (@RyanPatrick1991) October 25, 2024

We saw the creation of the Hawk Tuah Girl phenomenon, where the culture embraced the rise of an unapologetically sexualized blonde bimbo who parlayed what should have been a social embarrassment into a cash-making enterprise, a podcast for some reason, and a controversial cryptocurrency endeavor.

Despite it being Pride Month, there was a notably lowered interest this year, with the exception being outrage at rainbow-painted crosswalks on city streets that led to the shock result of vehicles leaving tire marks on the commemorative pavement in these gay-borhoods.

Justin Timberlake was arrested for drunk driving, and it derailed his upcoming music tour. The press responded to this in the sane fashion of doxxing the police officer who arrested the singer.

California was shown to be corrupting nature in the name of saving the planet by removing the rare and cherished Joshua Trees in order to clear land for a solar farm.

In more vital decisions from the Golden State, a Los Angeles city council ended homophobia forever when it voted to remove U-turn signs in one upscale neighborhood.

Not having learned its lesson, Disney put out a woke version of a new Star Wars series, “The Acolyte,” and it drew a low enough audience it announced prior to concluding it was not going to renew the series.

Joey Chestnut announced he was not competing in this year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest due to a contractual dispute. 

Chuck Schumer managed to typify the incompetence of his party on Father’s Day by somehow cooking raw hamburgers on a grill.

Chuck Schumer did the full Terry McAuliffe, pretending to be a man of the people by showing his grilling skills, then putting cheese on a raw burger. pic.twitter.com/BfwGxGShWS

— Erick Erickson (@EWErickson) June 18, 2024