With our new feature we assess the news landscape from the past seven days and ascertain if one news organization rose up by lowering itself on a consistent basis. This week, we made a slight change to our strict arbitrary measurement process by adding a compulsory holiday element: In order to be considered an outlet, it had to be seen trashing the Thanksgiving holiday traditions in some capacity.

Let’s scratch our heads and hold our noses as we delve into the mayhem.

THE CONTENDERS

MSNBC - The executives at the network claimed they were completely unaware Al Sharpton pocketed huge checks from the Kamala Harris campaign, even as employees were angry and embarrassed about his graft. Even after a massive Democrat loss at “Morning Joe,” they continue to bring on party “strategist” James Carville. Meanwhile, the ratings have plunged so low since the election they are getting beat by Hallmark Christmas movies.

Bird Bashing: Contributor Julian Castro had to inject immigration politics into the holiday. Joy Reid delivered the goods, as she was especially contemptful about this week’s gatherings, telling “MAGA people” to dine by themselves, and even declaring that they need to be shunned by proper family members out of fear “they will “turn you in.” 

AXIOS

Founder Jim VandeHei gives a profanity-laced diatribe at a press function in response to Elon Musk saying, “We are the media now.” His manner of losing his mind is emblematic of the anxiety shooting through the journalism industry.

Hilariously, his defense of the press complex was undermined by his outlet, which declared that the era of big media is over.

Bird Bashing: Of course, they had to join in on bashing the holiday with a “well actually”-style report on the history of the holiday.

.@JimVandeHei w/ @mikeallen, accepts the Fourth Estate Award, @PressClubDC's highest honor:

"I hate this damn debate of 'we don't need the media' — it is not true!" pic.twitter.com/XcmO6cOy3F

— Axios (@axios) November 22, 2024

NBC News - Ken Dilanian was deeply bothered that Jack Smith dropped his cases against Trump. In addressing the issue of Mexican tariffs, the network was less bothered by the threats from illegals than the cost of avocados. Even Chuck Todd frets over the cost of guacamole.

Bird Bashing: The network tried to claim Thanksgiving meals would cost historically less this year. That is compared to… three years ago. Now laugh as it insists you could feed a family of 10 for only $60.

WINNER

USA TODAY

Bird Bashing: This outlet was especially dysfunctional regarding the national holiday.

One columnist declared that we cannot give thanks since we now want to deport people who look like him. In another piece, they called for Joe Biden to cancel the holiday entirely. While wanting to cancel the holiday, the outlet also gave advice on how to defrost your turkey for the non-existent meal. After consistently denying that inflation was a big problem, the paper detailed Black Friday what shoppers are actually facing – higher prices.

We get how the holiday is considered "A Day Of Mourning" for native Americans. They headlined how House Democrats were receiving bomb threats and were targeted with swatting while giving barely a mention of how Republicans and Trump's announced cabinet selections were targeted for over a week now.

The site could not be clear on its approach to Thanksgiving leftovers, offering both a primer on making the best turkey sandwiches AND ideas on what to do if you are sick and tired of turkey sandwiches.