From our Fractured Media files, it is time for a new round of nominations for nefarious news nonsense! In recognizing the efforts of press unprofessionalism, journalistic sloth, and generally deserved media mockery, we have created The Golden Remmington Awards.
This trophy honors the olden days when hard-scrabble hacks committed actual journalism and hammered out dispatches on those hefty wordsmith devices. To commemorate that past of muckraking reporting and shoe leather investigation, we acknowledge those who fail today or misreport in an audacious fashion.
This week, imbalanced thinking was on display as the alleged merchants of truth seemed to rely more on emotional insistence. These are the inauspicious nominations, in several categories, hoping to be (dis)honored at the end of the year for the 2024 Remmy Awards.
Distinguished Breaking News
Billal Rahmen - Newsweek
While many outlets were on the case of Donald Trump’s McDonald’s event to explain to us how the planned, scheduled, photo-op publicity stunt campaign stop was (get this) actually staged, Newsweek went a step further. We came to learn that Trump might not have been an actual employee that day!
According to a press release issued by his campaign, "President Donald J. Trump suited up for a shift at McDonald's in Bucks County, Pennsylvania." A full shift generally implies 8 to 9 hours of work, yet posts circulating on social media suggest Trump worked there for less.
Rumors have been circulating on social media that former President Donald Trump's visit to the popular fast food chain was staged. https://t.co/NIfynvKBfO
— Newsweek (@Newsweek) October 21, 2024
Distinguished Explanatory Reporting
Stefanos Chen - New York Times
Not content to be outdone by the stunted and overheated coverage of Donald Trump’s drive-thru escapades, the Times decided they needed to get more hits in on the man who would be president. So they dispatched their reporter to go out into Manhattan and ask McDonald’s fry cooks to judge whether Trump made fries correctly.
Chen visited half a dozen locations to get commentary on his technique. Because this election season there is no more important issue than which candidate can prepare a fast-food side dish correctly.
"He doesn’t seem to know how to do it."
— The New York Times (@nytimes) October 21, 2024
After Donald Trump served fast food during a campaign stop at a McDonald’s, several actual McDonald’s workers who examined a video of his performance earned mixed reviews from workers and patrons alike. https://t.co/nXW7FpDBPg
Distinguished Public Service
Jake Tapper - CNN
While it certainly was odd and unexpected to see/hear Donald Trump expound for a time about the penis size of legendary golfer Arnold Palmer, it is stranger to see this same fixation from a reporter criticizing this line of discussion. When House Speaker Mike Johnson (heh) was on with Jake Tapper, the host peppered the Speaker with questions about Trump’s comments.
Why Johnson had to answer for the comments made by Trump was not made clear, and Tapper expressed dismay at having to ask this (at least verbally). But the oddness was how he continued to hammer away on this topic that he supposedly considered to be beneath him.
House Speaker Mike Johnson pressed on Trump's comments on the size of Arnold Palmer's penis.
— Andy Kaczynski (@KFILE) October 20, 2024
Jake Tapper interviewing House Speaker Mike Johnson this morning on CNN:
Tapper: Is this really the message you want to hear from Donald Trump, stories about Arnold Palmer's… pic.twitter.com/2HL4TVh9wz
Distinguished National Reporting
Carola Long - Financial Times
There has been a lot of talk this election about Kamala Harris' economic policies as part of her overriding political agenda. Namely, the talk is that she does not have one. Well, we can turn to coverage of the Democrat in the Financial Times to get a bead on her plans, but since the basis of any measurement of what to expect if she takes the presidency is to look at the current state of affairs, the FT took the only approach that made sense: They covered Kamala’s fashion sense.
How Kamala Harris makes power dressing modern https://t.co/7du83vc2NA
— Financial Times (@FT) October 15, 2024
Distinguished Investigative Reporting
Maya Mehrara - Newsweek
Shocking news: Donald Trump has not actually played in the NFL!
Yes, yes, we know; we are equally shocked. But it arrives with good authority from Newsweek that the former president is not a former flanker back.
The basis is that as he attended the October 20 game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and New York Jets, Trump’s social media posted an AI image of his suited up in Steelers gear on the field. Well, Ms. Mehara is hear to inform us that this was not a legitimate image and he has no history of ever being on the Steelers roster.
Donald Trump has shared what is likely an AI-generated image on his Truth Social account showing him as a player for the Pittsburgh Steelers. https://t.co/lEPxiWTY2x
— Newsweek (@Newsweek) October 21, 2024
Distinguished International Reporting
Sabrina Penty - Daily Mail
Patrons in Shenzhen, China, after visiting a new aquarium - Xiaomeisha Ocean World - took to social media to complain on whatever platform is the Chi-Comm equivalent of Yelp. Many were dismayed after rushing to the whale shark exhibit only to find that the featured fish was in fact a robot shark.
The park operators explain that it is illegal to trade in the large fish, but that did little to satisfy the patrons, who it is reported were lodging complaints about the bait-and-switch that same day.
Aquarium is slammed over its new whale shark attraction - can you see why? https://t.co/Zak1eSUa8V pic.twitter.com/AznGXFFiRF
— Daily Mail US (@DailyMail) October 15, 2024
Distinguished Cultural Criticism
Natalia Senanayake - People Magazine
The annual tradition of holiday outrage begins earlier every year, it seems. We have already received this season’s bad tidings, as there has been outrage at…a candle.
Bath & Body Works releases a line of holiday-themed candles and one of the selections this year set off the hypersensitive crowd. Outside it had an artistic image of the folded paper snowflakes, but some folks with too much time and not enough stimulation took to social media to complain that the graphic resembled Ku Klux Klan hoods.
The company has since removed these candles from the stores because – this is true – certain delicate snowflakes online were offended by snowflakes.
Bath and Body Works Apologizes for Controversial Candle Design After Critics Compare It to Ku Klux Klan Hoods https://t.co/R33YGaS7F4
— People (@people) October 14, 2024
Distinguished Sports Reporting
Lucy Marshall - The Mirror UK
There are all manner of byzantine Guinness World Records out there, so highlighting any over the other is generally a folly. But when it comes to preposterous, we are looking at the speed drinking of a Capri Sun juice pouch as up there. Or, down there, as it were. To say this pales when compared to weightlifting marks, or the tallest bungee jump to dunk a biscuit in a mug of tea, yes – this is unremarkable.
Making this one all the more odd is that there are designations in the category. Mike Jack went after a previously unclaimed mark for drinking a full pouch using a paper straw. Guinness had set the standard at under 22 seconds, and after a number of attempts that either took longer or saw that more than the minimum allowed amount of fluid remained, Mr. Jack inhaled the entirety of an orange-flavored Capri Sun in 21.71 seconds.
People insist they could beat man's 'silly' Guinness World Record we all tried as a kidhttps://t.co/8P3p057nEK pic.twitter.com/JrxsJiYJqF
— Mirror Weird News (@MirrorWeirdNews) October 7, 2024
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