As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From the Headlines, we once again note the sub-exalted performances from our journalism industry in numerous categories to properly recognize the low-water mark in the press.

Distinguished National Reporting

• Roger Sollenberger - The Daily Beast

As soon as he rose to the Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson has been the focus of unbalanced media scorn. He was reviled for his overt faith (while Biden is praised), mocked for avoiding porn (while the press defended Susanna Gibson’s performances), and said to need to take an oath to the Constitution because he had a Civil War ancestor (his doing so when sworn in as a House member, apparently, was insufficient.)

Perhaps the best (non) scandal involving Johnson was this expose that…he did not have immense wealth accrued while working as a politician. His lack of significant bank balances and assets was seen as a problem; we guess because he had not gamed the system.

• One of the reasons we have these financial disclosures is to know whether politicians are having financial difficulties—which could make them ripe for influence buying.

TRANSLATION: Since Mike Johnson has not made it a priority to collect wealth through bribes, this makes him vulnerable to accepting bribes.

NEW: The new Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson, has never disclosed having a bank account—not once in seven years. Here’s what might be going on.👇 https://t.co/ecX3JfR0xc

— Roger Sollenberger (@SollenbergerRC) November 1, 2023

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

• Olivia Ruben, Lucien Bruggemen, Will Steaken – ABC News

There appears to be some distemper arising between Mitt Romney and Ron DeSantis. Romney recently said several critical things about DeSantis, including commenting that "There’s just no warmth at all.” (This, from the man with the room temperature personality.) In response, DeSantis and his team have returned with critical barbs, including that he does not know Romney, and saying the politician “never fought for us.”

At ABC News they really felt they found a contradiction in the governor’s words. It turns out he had campaigned for Romney at one point. Just…not anytime recently. 21 years ago, in fact, when Romney was not even in Washington but campaigning for office in Massachusetts when DeSantis was in his 20s.

It took THREE JOURNALISTS to find a yearbook photograph of DeSantis holding a campaign sign in 2002, while at Harvard Law School. The best is Olivia Rubin declaring this 20+ year-old picture to be a “scoop”.

ABC News Mocked After Ridiculous ‘Fact Check’ on Ron DeSantis' Claim About Not Knowing Mitt Romney https://t.co/IbEd1HgLcs

— RedState (@BordersUSA) November 15, 2023

Distinguished Features Writing

• Ruby Cramer - Washington Post

In the ongoing misinformation from the press that Florida is banning books (explain how they are both “banned” and “sold” at Barnes & Noble) the Washington Post arrives with this epic profile of a Florida librarian forced to resign over the oppressive book strictures in the state. The questions from this weep-fest abound.

The librarian in question reportedly suffered from sleeplessness, and physical skin conditions, and began taking anti-anxiety medication. All this, over the new standards that required her to remove four books from her library. She had to take a new training seminar on the law - for one hour. During “Freedom Week” there was a mandatory recitation of parts of the Declaration of Independence “to reaffirm the American ideals of individual liberty.” This is what reduced this librarian to an emotional and physical wreck.

Understand also, that the new state standards were put into effect in April of 2022. This means that after a year and a half WaPo managed to find one librarian who quit over the new standards – and decided one librarian quitting was to be elevated into a national news story.

Loving books was not enough. A Florida librarian wanted to encourage students’ reading, not police it. So she quit. @washingtonpost https://t.co/iAtb2xo4K6

— Ruby Cramer (@rubycramer) November 11, 2023

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

• Sophie Lloyd - Newsweek

Dylan Mulvaney was given some type of award in Britain, for doing…something, we have to guess. Okay, fine - it was the Virgin Atlantic-Attitude Awards, and Mulvaney was granted “Woman Of The Year” honors. But the real comedy comes when the Newsweek report included a rave review from an account on Xitter. 

• "No one has worked harder at womanhood than Dylan Mulvaney," said Ann Lesby. "Cope & seethe, TERFS (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists)."

Many are familiar that this is a parody account (flip the names to get the idea), but this was not figured out by Ms. Lloyd. So this means that she was relying on a fake Xitter account to help celebrate a fake female winning “Woman” of the Year.

Thank you to @Newsweek for quoting me in this brave and stunning article about Dylan Mulvaney's Woman of the Year achievement. https://t.co/syOfhFz0Va

— Ann Lesby, PhD (she/her) 🌈 (@AnnLesbyPhD) November 12, 2023

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

• Ciara O’Rourke - Politifact

In a post that surely feels like it was done to help meet a quota, Ms. O’Rourke does a deep dive into the farcical claim made by a rando account on Instagram.

We can all breathe easy now, as it has been established by Ciara that in fact, Dr. Anthony Fauci is a real person.

We are left to ponder just what would have happened had this deeply vital verification not taken place.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, former longtime director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, does exist, contrary to social media claims. https://t.co/Y32wLsBmS5

— PolitiFact (@PolitiFact) November 3, 2023

Distinguished Breaking News

• Mary Bruce - ABC News

Let us just flashback for a moment on the years we have been told how threats against the government and demonstrations where threats are made and other violent elements take place are up for interpretation. If the players involved are to the right of center then these are gravely dangerous acts and are to be held as threats to our democracy and shake the very foundations of our country. If the people involved are from the left, then these acts of destruction and violence are examples of free expression and need to be celebrated.

A recent demonstration took place outside the White House, and the pro-Palestine crowd clashed with the Secret Service as they tried to breach the security gates and vandalize the entryways. However, in a “mostly peaceful” fashion, we have Mary Bruce on the scene describing for us how this was simply a case of a “Passionate protest” taking place.

The White House gates this morning after passionate protests over the weekend. pic.twitter.com/gVENEMZO5Q

— Mary Bruce (@marykbruce) November 6, 2023

Distinguished Photojournalism

• The Daily Mail

In a report about a woman who encountered an elk in the wild and met her untimely demise as a result of engaging with the animal, the Daily Mail lends some words of caution about approaching wildlife. The outlet also helps its readers by providing a shot of the animal, to assist in identifying the potentially dangerous wildlife.

Woman is killed after being trampled to death by elk 'she was feeding' https://t.co/iXYc3VCYhH pic.twitter.com/guhUfoTwjW

— Daily Mail Online (@MailOnline) November 9, 2023

The New York Post Prize for Headline Writing

• The Daily Star

Usually you have to pay extra for that. pic.twitter.com/wiAV7Zq9ic

— Brad Slager: Flips On The Highbeams In Fog Of War (@MartiniShark) November 15, 2023