As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From the Headlines, we once again note the sub-exalted performances from our journalism industry in numerous categories to properly recognize the low water mark in the press.

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

• Rachel Maddow – MSNBC

She is one of America’s preeminent journalists, plying her trade on a prominent (eh…) cable news channel backed by a major network. So when Rachel Maddow breaks open a scalding hot reveal on the gun industry you might expect some level of widespread reaction. That her expose did not garner any reactions following her broadcast should tell you just how big of a risible flop this was.

Maddow had the flaming hot take that there is a gun manufacturer producing assault weapons for toddlers. The concept is beyond ludicrous, yet here is the supposedly serious journo making that exact claim. What is going on here is a company has a new line of rifles to help train younger shooters, a scaled-down version of the most hated gun in the media. They dub this gun a Jr-15, and it is a smaller gun that fires .22 caliber ordinance. 

What tipped Maddow off on her literally infantile claims is that the gun has a logo of a skull with a pacifier. 

This is too funny.@Maddow sees a gun with a logo stamped into the metal of a skull and crossbones with a pacifier.
She insists they are marketing guns to babies.
Yes…she is completely serious on this matter.https://t.co/vX7WE7CtS3

— Lie-Able Sources (@LieAbleSources) August 9, 2023

Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

• Daniel Arkin –  NBC News

It should not come as a surprise to anyone that when you are out of work you are not drawing a paycheck. The obviousness need not even be mentioned, but at NBC News Dan Arkin saw fit to mention this.

Look, the press, overall, is taking sides with the writers’ strike in Hollywood, as well as the parallel walkout from the SAG-AFTRA union. (They cover this, despite the conflict of interest in being guild members themselves.) So sure, taking a sympathetic approach is expected with this story, but that does not mean you abandon common sense to the extent you burp out this universally-known “revelation.

The dual labor stoppages have pushed some workaday scribes and performers into precarious financial situations — with no end in sight.

Huh, choosing not to work for three months is having a negative cash-flow effect on those making this choice? It is almost as if the people tasked to draw up complete stories filled with influences and ramifications were somehow unable to see this would be a potential second-act plot development.

After nearly 100 days on strike, Hollywood writers are taking financial hits, uncertain when they'll have a steady flow of income again.

“I feel like I’m subsidizing this strike with my savings in a way that’s starting to get scary,” one writer said. https://t.co/CoUoqEUk0i

— NBC News (@NBCNews) August 8, 2023

Distinguished Local Reporting

• CBS 4 News, Miami

Although this is a transparent effort to support school free lunch programs (or, to coax people into clicking on a linked Bento-Box offer), we need to applaud the brazen desperation of this local affiliate to generate hysteria over a non-existent problem. 

Between on-campus meals made available to basically all students, or the wide preference of lunch receptacles on Amazon and elsewhere, we are not even sure how many kids tote the sack-lunch option anymore. But rest assured, despite decades of kids who brown-bagged it every day without issue, your kids could die if you carelessly pack them their to-go meal!

One mistake parents make when making lunches is not keeping cold food at 40 degrees or lower to prevent bacteria. The old brown paper bag won’t cut it. https://t.co/xa79RB7NJt

— CBS News Miami (@CBSMiami) August 9, 2023

Distinguished National Reporting

• Jonathan Allen, Natasha Korecki – NBC News

With the mounting evidence arriving from investigations ramping up the sharp minds at NBC News looked over the news concerning Biden’s troubles and came to a conclusion: Those Republicans in Washington are starting to affect the President’s image!

The unbiased and non-partisan reporters are very concerned with what the GOP is doing to Joe Biden’s brand. They are clearly far less concerned with what is actually inside the packaging.

Joe Biden’s brand is being tested like never before

⁦@natashakorecki⁩ and me https://t.co/FpszKvYrYN

— Jonathan Allen (@jonallendc) August 8, 2023

Distinguished Breaking News

• Lisa Mascaro, Colleen Long – Associated Press

Joe Biden loves to spend our money; we are all attuned to this reality. He has recently come out with a request for both parties to break their firm budgets and grant him another $40 billion in expenditures because the multiple omnibus bills he has already passed did not go far enough.

This time he asked for more billions to be doled out to Ukraine (of course), and another entry is for ponying up for some disaster relief that has already been paid out. The AP dutifully does not dare criticize this profligate spending, or even question it, instead going forward with full-hearted support of this ask. They go so far to justify this proposal in fact that they have renamed “Summer”, on behalf of the president’s request.

The package requested Thursday includes $12 billion to replenish U.S. federal disaster funds at home after a deadly climate season of heat and storms.

BREAKING: President Joe Biden will ask Congress to provide more than $13 billion in emergency aid to Ukraine, another massive infusion of cash as the Russian invasion wears on, a person familiar with the matter told AP. https://t.co/sH1wSucGUx

— The Associated Press (@AP) August 10, 2023

Distinguished Sports Reporting

• Alex Shepard – New Republic

With the quick dismissal of the women’s soccer team from the female World Cup there was plenty of positive reactions from Americans who were not in support of the team that was not openly supporting this country.

Shepard saw this as an issue. He pontificated on why people would view this squad that has politicized issues from their payouts, to kneeling before games, to arguing with Donald Trump, to gay rights, and other causes, and take a political stance in not supporting them on the field. Suuuuurrrrre, it is the turncoat fans who are too into politics.

It’s figures like Donald Trump—and, for that matter, Ron DeSantis, who Lalas has endorsed—who have injected politics into the sports discourse, drawing the women’s team into a conversation no one asked for and attacking them for their own benefit. The U.S. didn’t polarize anyone by speaking out—figures like Trump did by warping their work into culture-war bric-a-brac and stump-speech fodder.

It’s figures like Donald Trump—and, for that matter, Ron DeSantis—who have injected politics into the sports discourse, drawing the U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team into a conversation no one asked for and attacking them for their own benefit. https://t.co/puXVkkW8iM

— The New Republic (@newrepublic) August 8, 2023

Distinguished Feature Writing 

• Sam Stein – Politico

Frequent MSNBC fixture Stein looks into who the real power brokers are in D.C. and came to a conclusion – just check the nametag. He has a lengthy piece of froth that analyzes all of the people in politics named Doug, for some reason.

NEW: The most important society in D.C. is the society of Dougs. I took the time to figure out what makes this kinship tick. https://t.co/PVs1tH24mR

featuring @DougAndres @SecondGentleman @GovDougBurgum @DougHeye @dthornell @djheakin @dougmillsnyt @ProfDBrinkley @DougJones

— Sam Stein (@samstein) August 11, 2023

Distinguished National Reporting

• Kelly O’Donnell – NBC News

Ms. O’Donnell took a look at the most recent indictment of Donald Trump and thought she had come up with a real sharp and pithy contrast with President Biden.

As Trump went to court, Biden went for a bike ride. https://t.co/u30qXOb2Fn

— Kelly O'Donnell (@KellyO) August 4, 2023

Of course, she had to ignore not only Biden’s own scandals, but she heralded the guy for taking the weekend off just after he spent a week at the beach. This also underscores his avoidance of serious issues taking place currently, such as the fires in Hawaii, the border, the economy, etc., and any other crisis going on. 

We’ll just call it poor timing on her part that a recent study of things has determined that since taking office Biden’s time off has amounted to a full year. So yay, he is biking again, we guess…