Pulitzer Prize Dis-Honors: Campaign Bruins, Phallic Spiders, and Cornhole Scofflaws,

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism that is worthy of a skewed version of Pulitzer Prize consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions for the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. To properly recognize the low watermark in the press, let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.

Distinguished National Reporting

Kate Bennet – CNN

Don’t tell me the press misses having Trump around — they will tell you otherwise. Kate Bennet reports that over the past few months at CNN, they have been tracking Trump’s plane as it has been repaired, received a new paint scheme, and then was tracked taking circular test flights around the airport, before flying out to West Palm Beach where it is now stationed. Kate and Briana Keilar speculate on what it all means!

Flight data reveals Trump's jet has been taking pattern flights – CNN Politics/interesting https://t.co/Y2GtgUkWMR

— Shira Dentz (@DentzShira) October 22, 2022

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

Reuters

Since the Biden administration never delivers truth-challenged information the fact-checkers of the world have to focus on other concerns posing a danger to the public consciousness. At Reuters, they spotted a story floating around the social media circles and they decided to delve into the matter and ferret out the facts.

As a result of their diligence and forthright commitment to the facts, they can safely inform us that yes, satellites are in fact real.

Fact Check-Satellites exist and can survive in the thermosphere without melting or burning https://t.co/WiqO2bZwX1

— Jerome Chenu (@JrmChenu) October 24, 2022

DistinguishedCultural Criticism

Daniel Arkin – NBC News

As the press continues to lose its grip on Elon Musk’s buyout of Twitter, they continue to want there to be controversy. In an effort to display the dismay and the upheaval Musk has caused, NBC has detailed a compilation of stars who have left Twitter as a result. Their list of luminaries is not exactly the kind of thing to make people shocked at the development. Hell, it probably barely moved the needle.

You may find Twitter has become a social wasteland once you learn that you will no longer be able to get the daily musings of Marina Sirtis from “Star Trek,” nor the guy who was Bill in “Bill & Ted’s” movies, nor even Mick Foley, who was a professional wrestler ten years ago.

Well, Elon Musk has ruined this place.
Now we will no longer enjoy the musings from a former professional wrestler, and the guy from "Bill & Ted"!!!!
If any celebrity chefs or the guy who runs the camera on "Chrisley Knows Best" leave I might be done!https://t.co/NGfrvbeQmq

— Lie-Able Sources (@LieAbleSources) November 1, 2022

Distinguished Public Service

Ross Pomeroy – Real Clear Science

You would not think at first blush that this would be considered clickbait, but once you see the content, it follows the familiar pattern: grabby headline, feature comprised mostly of filler, and then just a strained amount of content to justify the hype. You also would not expect the specter of why black widows bite so many many men on their penis to be an attractant, but this is the age we live in.

To wit, the piece basically says Black Widow bites are largely not fatal, and once they get around to the penis aspect, it concerned the spiders frequently building webs in outhouses to catch flies. So since these are pretty scarce these days the “so many” aspect of this piece comes down to “hardly any at all and none for decades.”

Why Black Widows Bite So Many Men on the 'Junk' https://t.co/AVKRHURuuj

— Steven Hudson ⚛️✊🏽 (@itsstevenhudson) October 21, 2022

Distinguished Local Reporting

Alec Regimbal – San Francisco Gate

In Lake Tahoe, a candidate for a city commission seat may find his campaign at risk after charges were brought against him for a dose of breaking and entering. Kevin Brunner, a security guard at a local tavern, was charged with vandalism and attempted arson. Police allege after Brunner saw his ex-girlfriend a the bar with another man he went to her apartment and trashed the place, and set a few of her items on fire. She came home to find him unconscious and called police.

BUT, this is a case of She said/He said. His story is they were still a couple, he went to her place and heard a commotion, discovered a bear inside, and chased it off by throwing various items at the ursine intruder. In the course of the fracas, he cut himself on a window (broken by the bear) and after getting it back outside he slipped and knocked himself out.

His story could use some refinement. When pressed by the reporter for more details on his relationship with the ex-girlfriend, Brunner has some gaps in the details.

When asked for the woman’s contact information, he told this reporter that he was legally prevented from contacting her, and was unable to spell her last name, because it is “Mexican.”

When South Lake Tahoe police arrested a city council candidate for allegedly trashing his ex-girlfriend’s apartment earlier this month, he had a unique excuse: A bear did it. https://t.co/j9pEPVjX4Q

— SFGATE (@SFGate) October 27, 2022

Distinguished Sports Reporting

John Clarke – Wall Street Journal

Some time ago, the tailgating diversion of cornhole games turned pro. A national league has been formed, along with corporate sponsors like Johnsonville Sausage and Bush’s Baked Beans. And with that notoriety — and big money payouts – comes scandal.

When the national finals were held recently, there was an uproar created when officials were called in to investigate possible rigging taking place.

Was the No. 1 ranked doubles team using illegal beanbags? With the cornhole world watching live on ESPN, officials inspected the bags with the solemnity required for such a grave complaint. (They) asked officials to check their opponents’ bags, too. Turns out, they weren’t compliant, either.

Wrote one commenter on the Addicted to Cornhole Facebook page – “Now the dirty underbelly is being exposed.”

A cheating scandal called “BagGate” has thrown professional cornhole into a tizzy and sparked new regulations. “We’ve really had to crack down.” https://t.co/lA3CDdcDaa

— WSJ Sports (@WSJSports) November 2, 2022

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

Alejandra Marquez Janse – National Public Radio

The Cuban sandwich mystery has been solved! In covering a book dedicated to a distinct lunch item, NPR spoke with the authors who set out on a quest to make the determination as to who can claim ownership of the famed sandwich. There are many iterations and methods of preparation it turns out, and the cities of Miami and Tampa both lay claim to creation, due to heavy pockets of transplanted immigrants from the island nation.

So what exactly is the point of origin of the Cuban sandwich? It turns out to be — Cuba.

This…seems a bit anti-climactic, I must say.