I bring terrible news this otherwise fine Wednesday morning, and I’d suggest you sit down for this one. Sure, you may be dealing with real problems like inflation and your crashing retirement, but that pales in comparison to this shocking news brought to us by the Associated Press.

According to the National Hockey League’s diversity chief, there are just too many white people in the sport of hockey. She even commissioned a report to prove it. And by golly, she’s going to get to the bottom of this atrocity and right to “fixing the problem.”

The NHL's first internal demographic study found its workforce to be overwhelmingly white.

Kim Davis, NHL EVP of social impact, growth and legislative affairs, says seeing the numbers is a first step toward fixing the problem.

by @swhyno https://t.co/ufH2itfiip pic.twitter.com/OziGR3nrR4

— AP Sports (@AP_Sports) October 18, 2022

You see, unlike the racially balanced sports of basketball, football, and track, hockey is a bastion of systemic racism that has led to an overrepresentation of white people. I mean, yeah, Canada and Russia, with their tiny black populations, are the meccas of the sport and provide most of its players, but that’s no excuse. Truly, diversity can not be achieved until the urban neighborhoods of Miami are equally represented in a sport where you literally play on a sheet of ice.

And I get that the vast majority of black people would rather be playing basketball and football because those sports offer more scholarships, more popularity, and are more lucrative at the pro level. Still, we should force them into hockey like a square peg into a round hole anyway, punishing others in the process, because that’s what diversity demands.

Isn’t normalized racism grand? I mean, I know bagging on white guys is basically a national pastime at this point, but describing their existence as a “problem” that needs “fixing” seems a bit dramatic doesn’t it? Imagine some official in the NBA commissioning a report showing there are too many black people in the sport, actively expressing that as a bad thing, and then pledging to “fix” the situation. How does anyone think that would go? But we live in a society that doesn’t even attempt to make sense anymore.

Meanwhile, people like this diversity officer for social impact make six digits to go around telling people how racist they are while being racist themselves. What a gig, right?

It’s absurd, but it’s the kind of absurdity we’ve come to expect. Every major company and organization is now shelling out cash to grifters preaching Critical Race Theory so they can be absolved of their supposed sins. It’s got an almost religious tinge to it.

But ask yourself, what NHL fan is asking for this? Who is out there highly concerned that a sport that originated in overwhelming white countries, played by overwhelming white people in white areas of the globe isn’t diverse enough? I’m a big NFL and college football fan. Do you know what I’ve never thought? That there are too many black people on the field.

Why? Because that would both be stupid, self-defeating, and racist. Professional sports are one of the purest forms of meritocracy. No modern sports franchise cares about a player’s race. They care about what that player can get them on the field. It’s really that simple, and the NHL playing this game just makes them look pathetic.