Bill Maher Tricks the Woke, Gives No Treats — and Offers an SJW Costume With a Rectal Stick

Are you ready for Halloween? You aren’t if you haven’t read the rules — according to social justice warriors.

Bill Maher has thoughts on that, and he crystallized them during Friday night’s installment of Real Time:

“Every year, we go through this [baloney] — lists of costumes you’d better not wear… Here’s an idea, clickbait websites: I won’t tell you how to harvest and sell my personal data, and you don’t tell me what I can wear on Halloween.”

The host went on to bomb Buzzfeed — or, in his words, “Buzz Kill” — which recently published the passionate imploration “Please, I Am Literally on My Knees Begging You — Do Not Wear Any of These Halloween Costumes This Year.”

He also simmered Simone Biles for a tweet laying down her law:

im just gon go head and say it, put the jeffrey dahmer costumes back in the closet. we ain’t having it!!!!!!

— Simone Biles (@Simone_Biles) October 19, 2022

Bill’s analysis:

“Who’s ‘we’? What’s with the ‘we’? Who died and made you The Great Pumpkin? I’m so tired of a handful of emotional hemophiliacs on social media telling us what we can’t do on Halloween.”

The comedian curated “verboten costumes on stupid lists this year”:

Queen Elizabeth — “Too soon?”

Characters outside of your race

Genies — “Because genies were slaves.”

Sexy schoolgirls

Playboy bunnies

Celebrities accused of pedophilia

Elvis

Zombie versions of deceased celebrities

Any unhoused person — “What we used to call a hobo, the default costume of every kid in history.”

Anyone with an eating disorder — “So goodbye, skeletons.”

“Transphobic” costumes — “‘Cause if kids want to see drag queens, they can go to Story Hour.”

Putin

Trump

Anything related to the Oscars slap

Johnny Depp

Amber Heard

Anything related to vaccines, COVID, or monkeypox

“So have fun, kids — and let your imaginations soar,” he added sarcastically. Then, “These are all great costumes. … You should wear all of them.”

He even recommended mixing it up:

“[C]ombine them if you want — have the queen [defecate] in Johnny’s bed.”

[WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE]

Until recently, of course, Halloween-observant Americans donned whatever they wished. Society wasn’t filled with people telling others what was offensive or what should offend them. Still, prohibited costume lists aren’t new for 2022:

The Woke Set Sail for Inclusive Island: Halloween Costumes Are Already Being Banned at Schools and Universities

University Likened Unwoke Halloween Costumes to Rape and Murder

Anti-Defamation League’s Halloween Costumes Guide Is Scary Ridiculous

Bill made an interesting point — these days, the young are the old fogeys:

“[T]hat is the craziest part of all this — being irreverent, unclenched, and playful should be the province of the young, but it’s not. … [W]hen someone in a problematic costume shows up at your door, it’s literally Gen Z telling them to ‘Get off my lawn’ — except it’s not your lawn, because you live at your parents’ house.”

He also itemized his own Halloween costume — that of an “uber-woke, overly anxious, perpetually offended twentysomething’:

“[Forget] the Patriarchy” T-shirt

A check from the patriarchy to pay for car insurance

Cloth surgical mask

Surgical mask

N-95 mask

Face shield

Klonopin to take the edge off

Adderall to put it back on

Participation trophy

Nose ring

Vape pen

Cat-ears headphones to listen to sad music

Support animal leash

“Stick that goes up my [butt]”

Finally, he offered a suggestion to the delicate among us:

“If Halloween is too much for your fragile sensibilities and you’re worried about seeing someone wearing something that’s on the forbidden costume list, just stay the [heck] home.”

Still, Bill’s sympathetic: